First of all, thank you for a wonderful 100th issue. I read it from cover
to cover! I just wanted to say ‘thank you’ to actor Mark McGann,
for loving his wife Caroline for who she is and not letting HIV get in the
way of their relationship. If only more people could see that having HIV does
not stop someone from being a decent, loving human being with feelings just
like anyone else. And as long as people practise safe sex, there isn’t
much to fear from loving a positive person. I wish the two of them all the
best for the future.
May I also take this opportunity to wish Gus Cairns and Rose de Freitas all
the best and to thank them for their great work over the years.
Angelina Namiba, (PW), London
I placed an advert in PN magazine in September last year. My current partner
came across the magazine during a routine visit to his clinic. He wrote me
a letter that same night (in October) and included a photo. I received his
letter about a month later. I fell in love when I read it. His words were so
warm and romantic. He mentioned similar interests to mine. I immediately replied.
He phoned me two days later and we both fell in love with each other even though
we still hadn’t met. It felt like we had known each other for decades.
Finally we met face to face at the end of November. We are so happy and we
share many similar interests even though he is from West Africa and I am from
southern Africa. We are now house-hunting and moving in together. Your online
advert helped me find the love of my life.
Linda, email
I read with interest the article, “Doctors warn of dope depression danger” (PN
100, March/April 04). I smoked pot regularly from March until December
2003, cutting back as I became aware of the adverse effect smoking it was having
on my breathing.
In the interest of balance, however, during this time that I smoked pot, my
CD4 count rose from 450 in the spring to 830 by the winter.
Now that I have cut back, I await my next results in June with more keenness
than usual.
It should also be pointed out that, obviously the drug need not be smoked but
can be ingested. Perhaps the recipe page could be livened up (if it doesn’t
place you at the risk of prosecution!) with one for space cakes?
Yours, a reformed pothead
Dear Sam Cotton (re PN 99,
Feb 04, Yankee Doodle Don’t column), as an
American expat in Europe for 14 years now, I have witnessed the ‘American
illusion’ decaying for some time now. US gays are perhaps the worst.
They tend to be very conservative when it comes to what behaviours are acceptable
from other gays. You got off lightly with the sex club you visited. Some of
them make you sign a contract that you will not fuck full-stop, condoms or
not. And they have ‘patrols’ to make sure you are ‘being
good’! There are some pockets where the oppression is not so bad, but
this is the exception, not the rule.
The real sad part of all this is that the American HIV rates are double those
of Europe. They don’t seem to have learned their lesson from the prohibition
years.
John, Brighton, email
In response to Marcel Wiel’s article (PN
99, Feb 04, Be Open, Be Positive column), in favour of disclosing one’s status with sexual partners, I
am concerned that the association made between Mr Wiel’s argument in
favour of disclosure and the Dica case may be seen as a sort of subliminal
message that if HIV people are not honest about their status, jail is what
they’re going to get.
I feel Marcel Wiel’s triumphant tones could be toned down in favour of
a more balanced picture. He may have had his casual affairs snogging him at
the news he was HIV. But I have had people freaking out, a lover who dumped
me because he eventually got scared, and people putting their condoms on for
oral sex (when they probably would have never done, had I not told them). Then
there are the people who in the heat of the moment can be oblivious to your
status, but remember it the day after and never ring back.
Carmelo di Mela, email
I would like to respond to Matt Dean’s moving letter about coming out
(PN 99, Feb 04) and his subsequent negative experience of the gay ‘scene’.
As human beings we are all, to some extent, ‘damaged goods’, and
those of us who are gay are likely to be more damaged than the average. This
is not because of our sexuality but because of attitudes towards it. In the
context of the isolation and alienation we experience when young, coming out
can be a liberating and exciting experience. When things go wrong along the
way, though, it is so easy to blame other gay people or the gay scene for the
way we feel. Of course there are a few gay people who might appear ‘hard
and callous’, but, on the whole, people are people, and gay people are
no better or worse than anyone else. The gay scene can be anything we want
it to be. We can dive in and party, party, party or we can dip in and out as
we need it. Or even decide to live without it.
When I was in my twenties I thought I knew a great deal about life and especially
about gay life. Now in my early forties, I realise I knew much less about either
than I thought. I hope you will get through this bad patch, Matt. The fact
that you bothered to write at all shows you care a lot.
Tim Parry, North London
Please allow me to console Ms Matilda, SE18, (PN
99, Feb 04). I thought
I was
the only one with the kind of problems you are experiencing.
I came to this ‘free democratic country’ in 1998 to visit a relation
with the youngest of my four girls. It was during this visit that I fell ill
with flu-like symptoms. Sadly, both my daughter and I were diagnosed positive.
I have done everything one can do including seeing legal Aid experts in Manchester,
writing letter upon letter to various people including my local MP, immigration
authorities etc, with no solution in sight to my immigration problems. My major
worry, however, has been my other three girls left behind in Zambia whom I
have not seen in six years now.
To you my sister Matilda, I say trust in the Lord, Jesus.
Good things always come to those who wait.
Mwape, Gtr Manchester
Dear Mr Morris, I read your appalling article in PN 100 (March/April
04, ‘The
Benefit Debate’) with open-mouthed disbelief.
I realise that you people in the Aids industry are totally out of touch with
the real world of death and disease caused by HIV, but I did not realise that
you were in fact Aids Deniers. Just because the drugs are working for you,
does not mean that they work as well for everybody. Today someone will die
of Aids. Tomorrow someone will die of Aids. It is not going to go away and
being in denial about it helps no one.
People also suffer a great deal from the side effects of the HIV antiviral
drug regimes. I almost died when nevirapine caused total liver failure. Not
nice to experience I can tell you. At the moment I am vomiting a lot, as my
liver cannot tolerate the four-drug combination that I currently consume. It
is not a good look, having your head stuck down the lavatory bowl for most
of the day! I haven’t even mentioned diarrhoea (caused by nelfinavir)
or lipodystrophy, or periperheral neuropathy.
A friend of mine died from a rare cancer in December due to a damaged immune
system. Another friend is trying to fight non-Hodkin’s lymphoma.
But, hey, according to you, people like me and them should be working. Would
that I could. I am a fully qualified architect but cannot hold down a job,
due to recurrent and continued poor health.
It is obvious that you have not experienced this yet, because if you had, you
would not have written such an ignorant piece.
Maybe you should get out of the office more. Maybe you should volunteer to
work on an Aids ward. You might learn a thing or two about other people’s
lives.
In the meantime, please do not criticise what you don’t understand and
certainly do not use your privileged position as a columnist with PN to do
so.
Personally I think you should publicly apologise for writing such a short-sighted
and blatantly insulting article. Yours in total disgust.
G J Lavender, unemployed but still paying tax!
Dear PN team, I’m totally outraged after reading one of the observations
from one of your readers (Allan Morris) in the issue (PN
100, March/April 04, ‘The
Benefit Debate’).
I have been in this country for about 20 years now after working for 10 years
as a care assistant (a job very close to my heart). I was forced to stop it,
due to PCP. On my doctor’s instructions, I was advised to seek help regarding
social services, housing, benefits and so on.
So I’m one of those who depend on DLA that Allan Morris refers to in
such an arrogant kind of way.
I’m far from being a wimp or one of life’s victims. But I can only
take one day at a time and many others I know are the same. It’s not
because I’m lazy, but simply because in the last 10 years I have been
in hospital with all sorts of complications about 20 times and each time I
think, ‘Am I gonna make it?’ We are all different and we are all
affected in different ways.
It’s good that Allan Morris has been able to win...and I’m very
glad for him. But I think it is sheer arrogance on his part to assume things
when most people that I know, including myself, would rather be in a different
situation.
Perhaps he is looking for some kind of recognition as a hero? Or to be awarded
an OBE from the Queen? It would be a pleasure to confront him and actually
educate him a little bit.
Jorge, by email
My dear editor/ess, I feel I must reply in retrospect of your recent feature
in PN issue 100 (March/April
04, ‘The Benefit Debate’) which was
a brave ‘tête-a-tête’ concerning the ‘benefits’ to
HIV positive people.
Having read both sides, however I have only understood one!
I must admit that I am quite biased in my view, having known Robin Wright for
many years, and seen firsthand the hell that he’s been through.
I, myself, gave up work, reluctantly, because of a simple choice: ‘Give
up or die’.
This was 12 years ago and I was very ill and very distressed, and I have never
liked being unemployed since then.
Today, thanks to medication and support, I have reached a state of healthiness
I would never imagined back in 1991, but I do often regret giving up ‘the
day job’. I feel that I’ve just ‘lost’ so many years
of my life, but I’m sure that had I carried on working, there would be
no today for me now.
There is a today for me now and I intend to make the best of the remnants left.
I feel that Mr Morris has a problem with his social standing and his HIV status.
After 45 years of confronting anti-gay feelings from the hetero-generates,
and then coming to terms with the neg/pos attitude from my fellow travellers,
has it now been reduced to the wealthy HIV versus poor HIV?
If God were half as brutal as man, none of us would be here! It’s a question
of ‘any way you can... that’s the way to survive’.
Thank you for your PN magazine, it’s been a great help to me.
David-Patrick, by email
Welcome to the new editor. For months I’ve been meaning to mention how
nice it is to see Mr Shenton’s contributions in actual, rather than just
imagined, glorious colours.
And how sweet it is to see Sam Cotton succumbing to Reiki and courses. There
must be something in the water, I think because in the last month even this
old curmudgeon has weakened enough to stop pooh-poohing hocus-pocus and finds
himself tumbling headlong into therapies and soon, very likely, courses too.
Whatever next!
I would also like to wish Mr Allan Morris much blissfulness in his ignorance.
Yours ‘til the pope hands out condoms.
Dick Splash, South London
I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to the organisers of the 11th
International conference on People Living with HIV and Aids in Kampala, Uganda.
This was an eye-opener to most of the rural communities in Uganda. Through
this conference I came to know about Positive Nation. I am an HIV positive
widow aged 35, a medical laboratory
technician and the chairperson of Busia Widows and Orphans Association. PN
will be of much help to my community, my clients and myself. I am excited to
find out from the magazine that there is advocacy to access antiretrovirals
easily for the rural poor. We must win over Aids!
Annie Namanyi, Busia Health Centre, Box 124, Busia,
Uganda
