‘A
DEDICATION TO WOMEN’Had I possessed better literary skills, I would have composed a poem for women last month. The 8th March was International Women’s Day, and the 21st was Mother’s Day. What a month!
This article is an appeal to fellow brothers who mistreat our precious mothers, sisters and partners. We men of African origin have often been accused of being romantic till the relationship gets established, and then after that...who cares.
I have to be honest that some of us do everything possible to woo the ladies. We go to Church, the gym, take up poetry. Sometimes we even borrow fancy cars. Personally, I show women my ‘Freedom’ disabled public transport pass on the first date!
Women are way stronger than men in my book. Who among us men would be able to endure years of physical, emotional and financial abuse, all in the name of protecting a marriage and the children? Women have been known to stand by their man against all odds. Hillary Clinton, Mary Archer. Even the former Mrs Mandela. For decades she was known as the mother of the nation. When Nelson was behind bars, she was the face of the struggle, a wife, a mother, and later a grandmother. All those years of strength are thrown away as soon as she falls short of perfection.
One wonders why in this age of gender equality men still get away with serial relationships and women are called names for seeking affection elsewhere. I am not advocating that anyone should seek affection elsewhere - women or men. I’m simply realising that women need to be supported in relationships. It has often been said that men cheat for sex and women do it for affection. Fellow brothers, as Otis would say, should “Try a little tenderness”.
I have been told that, biologically, women spend half of each month preparing for motherhood. The first week PMT starts, then for another week they have their periods. Just when they are recovering the whole cycle starts again. Discomfort comes with added expenses, for painkillers and sanitary supplies.
But women are expected to compete at the same level with men the whole month. They drive buses, go to college, mother children and soldier on. As menopause nears, what do the brothers do? Decide to ‘upgrade’ to a newer model.
If all this wasn’t enough, African women are more prone to fibroids,
a condition that often robs them of their reproductive role. The situation
becomes even worse when the woman is HIV positive. Faced with all these disadvantages,
women still have to work the same hours as men, often for lower income, and
still pay the same taxes.
But there are now more women’s organisations tackling some of these previously ignored issues. Several of these organisations also provide support to victims of domestic violence, female genital mutilation and rape within the African community.
And what about marriage itself? It is often said that if the in-laws don’t like you as a daughter-in-law from the start, they will never like you. (They tell me that all mothers-in-law are the same regardless of ethnicity). Things can get worse and all sorts of things get said about you. After all this, the daughter-in-law is still expected to perform all wifely duties. In some instances, where the wife is disliked, her children suffer the same fate.
But there are many good mothers-in-law out there. And if the man is not seen to value the wife, can you blame the in-laws? There are also good men who treat their women like the precious gifts they are. I have to give credit where it is due. The government has lessened the burden of motherhood by increasing statutory maternity leave and introducing paternity leave.
The following websites may be of help to women and men who want to understand women better. Akina Mama wa Africa published an excellent anthology of our unsung heroes, African women we rarely hear about.
