'UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE'Send letters to:
Post: Tokunbo and Alfred, Positive Nation, UKC, 250 Kennington Lane, London
SE11 5RD
Email: editor@positivenation.co.uk, with 'Tokunbo and Alfred' in the subject
heading
Online: Log on to the UKC 'Positive Voices' discussion board at www.ukcoalition.org/discus/ and look for the 'Tokunbo and Alfred' thread
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Dear Tokunbo and Alfred, |
Dear Marcus,
You do need to have people to talk to. For many of us the support we get from talking about what we are going through helps us through all the trials and tribulations. After my diagnosis, I found having a range of different people to talk to really helped me through the first year; some were friends, some positive, some not. I also had sessions with a sexual health counsellor at the GUM. These different perspectives and experiences helped me come to terms with all that I was going through.
I’m unsurprised you are finding it difficult to get your head around your dissertation; it is hard enough in normal circumstances. You can get a range of support. Try your local GUM clinic or THT and your university counsellor. Counsellors are bound by ethical codes of confidentiality and they could be useful if you want an extension on your dissertation or to talk through your feelings. Make an appointment and ask them about their confidentiality policy. If you feel comfortable, begin to open up. I am sure this will make a difference to how you feel. You can then plan whether you want to apply for a course extension. I hope all goes well. Life does go on after diagnosis.
Alfred
Hello Marcus,
Let me first acknowledge that it is an amazing feat in itself to make it to the final year of university. This is a pressurised time without having to cope with something as life-changing as your diagnosis, so you are already demonstrating extraordinary strength. A number of organisations support people infected/affected by HIV/Aids. Support is generally based on gender, sexuality, culture/race, whether you are newly diagnosed, starting medication, age and geographical location. Choosing the right support will depend on how you feel. A number of groups support people at university including Body and Soul (see useful contacts below).
Universities will make an objective decision on whether to grant extenuating circumstances but the key points for you to make are that your current situation is affecting your ability to take exams and complete your dissertation, and is undermining your normal coping mechanisms.
It’s important you don’t feel pressured into disclosing your status until you are comfortable with your university’s confidentiality procedures. If you decide to approach the university, you should only disclose to those who need to know, with the absolute assurance it remains confidential. Ask yourself: who needs to know? Why do they need to know? What do I gain from them knowing? What will they do once they know?
You may even want take time out of university. Contact one or more of the services below, then decide what steps to take. These services are non-judgemental, safe, patient and willing to work at your pace. Don’t feel you have to rush into anything. You may want emotional support or just to find out more about HIV and how it may affect you as an individual.
I wish you the very best. Remember you truly are an amazing individual. Only you know what you are going through so only you can decide the pace in making adjustments and disclosures. I bid you strength, courage and peace. Tokunbo
Body and Soul: www.bodyandsoul.demon.co.uk
AVERT: www.avert.org
Student Stop Aids Campaign: www.stopaidscampaign.org.uk
George House Trust: Manchester-based group 0161 274 4499 www.ght.org.uk
Sexual Health Line: 24hour helpline.
0800 567 123
Health Initiatives for Youth: 0800 298 3099 www.hify.org.uk
