Daniel
Storer
BEDTIME STORERS
THE SMART THING TO DO?
Scores on the doors; that’s what I like to call those
sets of mood-altering numbers we pin our hopes and fears on each time we visit
our HIV clinic. A swing one way on your test results and it’s bye-bye
happy New Year; a swing the other, and you’re walking on air.
I expected my check-up last month was going to be the usual ‘in-out-tablets-back-to-work’
thing. But then my lovely doctor, who has an amazing ability to remember me
from four months ago, led me to his room where he told me my CD4 count had
gone up - almost doubled in fact.
It was music to my ears; even though my counts have never gone below 500 since
I was diagnosed in August 1994, and my viral load was undetectable within
a few months after starting treatment. I think my doctor wonders why, especially
as I recently confessed that I sometimes missed my weekend doses. I suspect
it might have something to do with me coming from a line of tough mining stock.
Or maybe it’s because I often try to pickle the virus with neat vodka.
Then came my doctor’s punch line: “Would you consider putting
your name forward for a new study called SMART?” It was a big study,
he explained, that was looking at people taking ‘treatment holidays’;
stopping treatments if you have high CD4 counts, and only starting again if
they drop below 200.
He had barely finished, when I found myself saying “no”. It scared
me a little. The name had something to do with it. What’s so ‘smart’
about coming off drugs that are working just fine, only to see your viral
load spiral out of control and your CD4s drop through the floor? Why would
I jeopardise my current state of health?
We said no more about it and went on to much more important stuff, like my
column in PN. I just ‘happened’ to have a copy with me. (It had
been sitting next to a copy of Vogue on the waiting room coffee tables outside.
I was so proud).
But our little chat had set me thinking. So I went home and read up on the
SMART trials website. You can read it at your own pace and it seems very honest
about what it is and why. I felt a little guilty. Was it selfish of me to
make that decision so lightly? The first and only trial I ever took part in
was for the combination I am on, and it has worked for me; so why not this
one? On balance, though, I think I made the right decision.
Everything in my life right now is tickety-boo. My health is good, work is
great and love and socialising are on the up. So I definitely think one of
my resolutions will be to find out more about my condition as new research
is being published all the time. Another resolution is to get out more.
And while I’m at it, I really must resolve to cut down on my eBay addiction.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who wastes hours bidding for other
people’s junk that I don’t really need. It’s kind of like
a fruit machine, only I haven’t fully grasped the idea that if I bid,
I may actually win.
So, my resolutions for 2005: more browsing, more cruising and less bidding,
and if the HAART ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
dannydoodle74@hotmail.com
