ACTUALLY
To mark St Valentine’s Day in true poz style, PN
asked couples living with
HIV about love, life and the whole damn thing
Graphic designer Raffaele, 34, (left) and advice worker Simon, 33,
(right) met while working for the same organisation. They have been together
for three years.
Simon: “I had a big crush on Raff from the moment I
saw him. He was diagnosed shortly after we first started dating. It was a
major blow to see someone I was falling in love with hurt so much, but I like
to feel that being able to talk so openly with each other and support each
other brought us together.
“Even though I have been HIV positive for nearly 15 years, I consider
myself fortunate not to have fallen seriously ill.
“I find it really comforting to share my life with someone and not have
to make excuses when taking my meds, to share good times and bad and always
be able to talk openly about anything - including those demons. I know that
I have a good life and always feel supported and loved.”
Raffaele: “These last three years have been like a
rollercoaster. Something I learned very early about my HIV status was how
people responded to my disclosure. My love for Simon has been a constant support
throughout. It’s incredible how much you can love, trust and respect
someone - even when they have a British sense of humour.”
Matt, 44, and Nicky, 27, have been together
five years. They were diagnosed with HIV last year within a week of each other.
Matt: “I love her rotten. I admit it was lust at first
- she had such a nice backside. But within days I started to realise it might
be more.
“We are both living with HIV. From the moment HIV moved in with us we
were determined not to let it encroach on our lives. It’s not allowed
on the bed, so to speak. I do get depressed about her having to take the meds
and the potential side-effects.”
Nicky: “He was the only white guy at the party in the
pub, so he stood out. Nothing has changed since we were diagnosed with HIV.
He is funny, kind and caring and very supportive. I really love him.”
Rosita,
a South African now living in the UK, met her partner Jon
at a Christmas party in an HIV support centre.
Rosita: “We met through Jon’s brother. He helped
us swap numbers. It was a bit like a scene from a soap opera. But it was definitely
love at first sight.
“Before, the problem was always ‘how will I disclose?’.
But we knew already and it just went unsaid. We would love to have shown our
faces to camera but stigma is still a big problem in the African community.
Someday soon I hope we can publicly declare our love.”
Jon: “We feel we are living a normal life together
without hiding anything. We help to keep each other healthy. Rosita is so
friendly and talks so freely and jokes. She makes me happy.”
Edwin, 42, editor of AIDS Treatment Update, met his video
director boyfriend, Nick, 33, on a pleasure trip to Nick’s
home city of Hamburg in August 2003.
Edwin: “It started out as some of the best sex we’d
ever had. We overcame a variety of obstacles - including living in different
countries - after falling in love when we realised that we just had to be
together.
“After 20 years of HIV, and having already had a significant relationship
for eight years, I never imagined I’d find love again.
“HIV has even spiced up our love life. Nick has found amazing ways of
incorporating my pill-taking into sex, I won’t go into details, but
he has an incredible imagination, and I never thought taking HAART could be
so erotic.”
Nick: “His status didn’t matter when we first
met, since I have always practised safer sex.
“After we got to know each other better, I realised that I knew so little
about the daily issues of living with HIV, and the courage it takes. Edwin
has taught me so much.”
Kris and Paul have been together four-and-a-half years and were diagnosed
in 2003.
Kris: “We first met outside a club in Cardiff and it
just went from there. I don’t think there are words to describe how
I feel about him.
“When we were diagnosed we both agreed to not get hung up on blame because
we knew that would destroy the relationship. We knew we had to deal with it
for what it was: an HIV infection. We appreciate each other more for it.
Paul: “Our relationship has got stronger. I know it
sounds odd but HIV may the best thing that could have happened. It has brought
us even closer and made us happy. We have done things we would never have
considered doing before.”
