Russell
Fleet
ALIVE AND KICKING
OF SAINTS AND SINNERS
Many things change when you get an HIV diagnosis. Of course, the picture now
is very different to when I got mine 15 years ago when it really was a death
sentence. Nonetheless it’s still a big deal today, especially when you
factor in all the discrimination, stigma, ignorance and other people’s
sense of superiority. That really gets to me, the smug bastards who think
that because they managed to stay negative, they’re somehow better than
the rest of us.
But one thing has struck me in the course of this journey, though: the smug
bastards are not only HIV negative. So many poz gay men have avoided Aids
only to come down with a bad case of EDS - Eliza Doolittle Syndrome. I’m
sure you’ve heard them in the drop-ins or read their contributions on
the discussion forums. The ones who, the moment someone ’fesses up to
less-than-perfect adherence or, worse still, to enjoying a bit of unprotected
sex with another poz bloke, start up a cry of ‘I’m a good girl,
I am!’
I was saddened to read a letter in May’s PN from a man protesting that
HIV should not be considered as a sexually transmitted infection. Well, OK,
if you got it from sharing needles or unscreened blood products then maybe
it isn’t, at least from your point of view. But for the vast majority
of people with or without HIV worldwide, an STI is exactly what it is. His
key argument seemed to be that because he’s seen so much suffering as
a result of HIV it should be accorded a special status beyond that of a simple
STI. By which reasoning so should syphilis; equally incurable and devastating,
it laid waste to generations for 500 years until the advent of penicillin.
But then I understood. This wasn’t an argument about the classification
of a disease by route
of transmission, this was a plea for some kind of special victim status. The
argument marshalled was that he lives with the virus in his body every day.
So what? So do people with hepatitis C and herpes. Are they demanding that
these diseases stop being considered as STIs?
Finally, we got to the nub of it. Our correspondent has given up the sins
of the flesh for a life dedicated to higher things; ‘spiritually richer
and saner, clean and pure’ is how he chose to describe himself, by implication
labelling the rest of us who haven’t chosen his particular Road Less
Travelled as spiritually poorer and madder, dirty and besmirched. There seemed
to be this overweening need to be seen to be one of the ‘good gays’
who not only doesn’t contribute to any rise in new HIV infections, but
polices other poz gay men to ensure anyone who behaves in any way which might
be seen as less than blameless is kept firmly in his place.
There are unfortunately some people who think there’s only one way to
be HIV positive and that’s to be a plaster saint, adopting a life of
celibacy, preferably, but if you can’t manage that then at least always
disclosing your status to any potential sex partners, and always using a condom
even with other positive people. Wouldn’t want to give the Daily Mail
any grounds to criticise, would we? If that’s how you want to lead your
life, be my guest. I respect your right to take charge of your health and
responsibility for your actions. Now do me the favour of according me the
same respect and while you’re at it, drop the patronising, pathologising
attitude.
Guess what? I also realise that there’s more to life than sex. I have
a rewarding job, a loving and affectionate cat, do lots of voluntary work
and have a busy social life involving trips to the theatre, cinema and art
galleries. I read voraciously, speak several languages and travel widely.
I’m a major Star Trek fan and even go to the conventions. I also have
a healthy and varied sex life because I consider it to be an essential aspect
of the human experience and I see no reason why my HIV should force me to
abandon that. No, I don’t think that it’s ‘OK’ to
be HIV positive; to be honest I’d rather I wasn’t. But I am, and
I’m not going to beat myself up or censor my experience just because
it doesn’t suit a bunch of Elizas who need to be loved for their virtuousness
because in the depths of their tortured minds, their virus renders them dirty
and unlovable. Patronising and pathologising? Well, it cuts both ways you
see…
