LIFEMEDICINEPART 4:
PURPOSE AND PASSION
Lie back and think hard about what lights your fire or presses your button;
this passion might just
save your life
Words Dr Rupert Whitaker
Image Antonio Maggi
Purpose and passion make life
better; making good times wonderful and hard times bearable. They give us
a reason for going on; getting up in the morning with enthusiasm or getting
through the next bout of chemotherapy. Purpose fills life with meaning, pulling
you onward and creating passion in how you live. Having a passion
is like having an intense enthusiasm for something; it isn’t simply
‘being emotional’ or having sexual lust, but it may be expressed
in the love you have for your partner, your child, your job, your community,
or your collection of Japanese comics.
Smaller passions
Finding purpose and passion isn’t just for us with HIV; it’s a
challenge many of us face during a ‘mid-life crisis’. But because
living with HIV is often hard, it can force us to face the ‘why?’
and ‘how?’ questions much earlier. People who thrive despite HIV
have purpose and passion. They aren’t necessarily ‘jolly’
people but they live with hope and drive. Smaller passions help us through
smaller things. A friend of mine is a passionate collector of England rugby
memorabilia; it helps make the day job less tedious but it probably wouldn’t
help him through chemotherapy (unless Lawrence Dallaglio were to swing by
and give him a back-rub).
Deep purpose
If your passion helps you through hard times then it has what I call ‘deep
purpose’; it fills and guides your whole life. This can help keep you
alive when you’re not expected to be. If you’re lucky, your job
may be the vehicle of your purpose and passion; but a deep purpose is something
you would follow even if you weren’t paid for it. You may discover a
thing you’re passionate about without knowing why; it may not make sense
to other people and you may even be very ‘good’ at it. It doesn’t
matter, it’s yours and only you can do it that way.
A quest for purpose
So, how do you find your purpose and passion? If it were simple, it wouldn’t
be so meaningful. It takes effort, like all the best things. It’s a
journey and has to be done several times as you grow older. Let’s work
backwards with some questions, some serious and some fun. Get a pen and paper,
put the lights down low and stick on some calming, relaxing music, and think.
When you’ve done this one, go for the more fun one. These will help
you understand what is important to you in life and why.
1) Regression and regrets
Imagine you’re in bed, close to death. You have oxygen tubes in your
nose, you’re weak and can barely open your eyes. There are people around
your bed, some alive, some dead; they represent your life. As you look at
these people, you look back on all the things you have done. Are there regrets?
What do you wish you had done instead? Why? Who are these people around your
bed? Are they there to make sure you really are dead or to ease your death
with their love? Why? Do they have anything to say to you? If so, what? Don’t
limit yourself. If there’s one word that is likely to be on your gravestone,
what would it be today? What would you like it to be eventually?
2) Help through heroes
Think of all the people you admire. They can be real or characters. Risk thinking
outrageously. Who are they? Why do you admire them? If you possessed those
same characteristics, what kind of person would you be? What would you do?
How would it help you get through hard times? Do your heroes have anything
in common? If you could mush all those characters/people into one person,
what would they be like? That person is the ideal you. Don’t get too
hung-up on designing the costume or the theme tune, but enjoy exploring. If
you can look back on a life filled with purpose and passion, you’ll
see fewer regrets and a life well-lived. Passion and purpose make life more
worth living. In the good times, they help make life great. Find your purpose
and passion will follow.
Dr Rupert Whitaker is co-founder of Terrence Higgins Trust and has a clinical
practice in psychological medicine.
• www.lifemedicine.co.uk
