Simon Mwendapole South of the river
MONEY IS SCARCE BUT LOVE IS FREE
Has it occurred to anyone that we show little love and warmth to orphans in
our midst? I see this lack of warmth today, both here in the UK and overseas.
Before I blame anyone, I want to confess that I never had real love and warmth
for orphans until I entered my teens. I didn’t fully understand how
they came to be like that. As a kid I learnt the word ‘massiye’
meaning orphan and it sent shivers down my spine. I also learned that there
was an orphanage called Kasisi funded by British Airways. I imagined Kasisi
being just another prison. The word ‘orphan’ used to scare me,
as though they were children from another planet. With HIV continuing to claim
parents and leaving children behind, it saddens me we are unable to treat
orphans like other kids and somehow behave as though it is their fault. Orphans
are vulnerable and their vulnerability does not disappear as they grow into
adults.
Right now, here in England, orphans are living with their relatives. These
kids are often not treated as equal kids in the house, but as sub-humans.
They are shown no love and warmth and continually reminded that it’s
a favour they are here in ‘Eng’, the land of the Queen. Overseas,
children without parents are often lucky to find any food left for them after
the end of the school day. Meanwhile we treat our own kids as though they
were super human, letting them avoid household chores and leaving all the
work to the orphans. I find this totally unacceptable and question why people
are in a hurry to claim responsibility for kids as soon as someone dies but
then fail to care properly for them.If you decide to take responsibility for
your late brother or sister’s child, it is a noble undertaking. It calls
for love, compassion and understanding, not the fulfilment of selfish interests.
I often hear people talk about starting an organisation to support orphans
but how can you support somebody you don’t know when you can’t
even look after yourself? I had a slight misunderstanding with my own sister
when I treated my nephews from a late female cousin in the same way as I treat
my own sons. I stood my ground saying these kids deserved the same treatment.
My conviction is driven by the fact that my very own dad was a ‘super
orphan’. His mother died two days after birth and he never knew his
dad. As I was growing up he used to tell stories about his life: how he was
forced to do more chores than others within the household and work at the
train station in northern Rhodesia just to make a few quid for chinkhwa (bread).
He said that if you ever made the mistake of not being around when food was
being prepared, there would be none left for you.
Perceptions of these children need to change, especially within our own African
communities. We people living with HIV must be more supportive and accept
that one day it may well be our children who will be orphans. I appreciate
that resources may be scarce but love is free and a loving and caring uncle
or aunt can transform their lives. It takes a heart to look after somebody
else’s child so we need to look deep inside to find ours.
• This column is dedicated to orphans around the world: be strong.
• Simwenda@aol.com
