Worry about HIV among gay men is preventing people getting tested and stigmatising people living with the virus; surely gay men should know better, says South African Kobus Erasmus
All HIV positive people have to deal with the issue of stigma at some stage.
In fact, it is probably the one thing that prevented me from going for an
HIV test for years.
Like many other HIV positive gay men, I suspected for a long time that the
test result would be positive. I wouldn’t have acknowledged it to myself,
but on some level I just knew. Ironically, it wasn’t the virus I was
afraid of. My greatest fear was the Aids banner attached to it. Who wants
the label ‘Carrier of sexually transmitted infection’? On top
of that, it’s for life.
We all fear the shame of it. The thought of dying from something you contracted
through sex can only bring forth an image of a shameful life, especially if,
subconsciously, you still harbour feelings of guilt about sex, like many of
us do. For a long time I felt it was easier to for me to hope that I was HIV
negative rather than face the facts. Some people continue refusing to face
the ‘shame’. These people can’t get help and sometimes they
die with their dignity intact. But do we really have to give up hope once
we test positive? The medication has certainly taken away the immediate fear
of death. Surely society in general is starting to view HIV without the stigma.However,
it still exists. The fear of stigma is still preventing people from getting
tested. Why do HIV positive men still feel stigmatised within the gay community?
One would expect our gay brothers to be more forgiving. After all, they know
what it feels like to be shunned by society.
When a familiar face in the crowd is looking unhealthy or thin some gay guys
can’t help speculating about his status. Why do they judge other gay
men on the basis of their HIV status? Some people even state they are ‘disease
free’ on their dating profile on the net. Does that mean HIV positive
men are not good enough for them?Of course ‘disease free’ web
surfers only want to connect with people on a sexual level. There’s
nothing wrong in connecting with other guys on a sexual level, but we all
know you have to connect on other levels sometimes. Guys who seek companions
primarily for sex know their approach is a bit one-dimensional. They know
that if they keep meeting people only for sex the risks and imbalances of
their lifestyle will catch up with them some day. They fear that day.Many
of us know that fear. As gay men we know how easy it is to get caught up in
the sex spiral and neglect the other stuff. Sometimes it takes a wake-up call
like HIV to make us aware of it. I do not want to feel judged or stigmatised
by people who imply that I’m ‘diseased’. I know they are
really just afraid. Afraid of what their own lifestyle might bring them.Since
I’ve faced my fears about Aids, it’s a lot easier for me to connect
with other people. I also see that my fears are worse than the reality. I
have found that there are gay guys who I can relate to on many levels. We
are more than just sexual beings. There are also many people who wouldn’t
judge me for being HIV positive or for any of my other imperfections.
