Clayton Brown The new age
SMASHING THE SLUT MYTH
Most people who visit a clap clinic worry about bumping into someone they
know for fear of being labelled promiscuous. Those of us living with HIV face
this problem every time we go to our clinic. We are beset with feelings of
guilt, shame and embarrassment. These emotions are felt even more acutely
when others
(both straight and gay) assume we contracted the virus due to sluttish behaviour.
It’s implausible to some that a gay man could have got the virus from
his unfaithful partner or because of a naïve trust placed in a complete
stranger. Equally, how could any of us suggest that a condom split? If we
ever imply that a gay man became infected because of sexual violence or rape
we are disbelieved.
No, most discriminate people believe every gay man caught the virus through
promiscuity. Unfortunately, the belief that all gay men are sluts is perpetuated
by those who work within our own community: gay editors. Gay magazine culture
is such that the ‘back pages’ almost start at the front and even
the non-explicit pages are
referenced with sex.
Ironically, the remaining pages still promote sex but in the form of HIV prevention.
These editors send out mixed messages and would be advised to remember that
people make judgements based on 90 per cent perception and only 10 per cent
reality, which brings us to Ricky Dyer and his BBC3 documentary, I Love Being
HIV+.
This HIV positive gay man set out to publicly determine if some gay men were
so-called ‘bug chasers’; people seeking to become infected with
the virus. Needless to say, this entire hour of dross could only be made up
of subjective comments, anecdotes and misrepresentation. Also, given that
the programme’s trailers sensationalised this hypothesis by speaking
of bug chasers, this ensured damage was done even before the documentary was
aired. It sent out one message and one message only: gay men may be deathly
promiscuous.
Some do not care what others think about us as gay men. But this is naïve
and dangerous. Certain people (members of public or service providers) may
question whether the NHS should throw money towards HIV treatment and research,
if, (supposedly) gay men become infected through promiscuity and even wilful
promiscuity like ‘chasing the bug’.
We
only have to observe the closure of HIV services/clinics or difficulties in
getting PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) to realise there could be a link,
however tenuous. But despite what the BBC decides to air, or indeed what editors
display in their magazines, the majority of HIV positive gay men become infected
not because of promiscuity but simply because they happened to have sex.
Sometimes sex can be a purely physical thing. When we engage in this type
of sex we are only doing what is natural, releasing sexual energy. By engaging
in this form of sex an oversight can occur. We’ve all done it; woken
up with the person we least expected naked next to us. As well as struggling
to remember how this short partnership came into being, we quickly blocked
it out and even forgot (sometimes couldn’t even recall) what we’d
done together. This is not promiscuity. When we meet a prospective partner
we can sometimes find ourselves doing things we never even knew we could do.
Here we quickly stop practising what we may have practised: safe sex. Sex
can never be prescriptive, no matter how disciplined we are. Even governments
know that lust and/or the heart can take over the mind and reasoning. Of course,
the silent and unsilent hypocrites will continue to ignore the difference
between physical, emotional as well as promiscuous sex, preferring instead
to consider all HIV positive gay men blameworthy, while denying that unwanted
pregnancies result from the same behaviour: absence of condoms and/or safe
sex.
As in the 80s, we must begin to challenge all those that unconsciously or
consciously try to take away our group self-esteem. As gay men we need to
assert that as people who engage in sex (just like heterosexuals) we can never
be 100 per cent protected from HIV for reasons already mentioned. Put another
way, as homosapiens (not homosexuals) we have all been built to eat, sleep
and have sex. This does no make us promiscuous, which is why HIV positive
gay men should not be made to feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed.
• pnclaytonbrown@hotmail.co.uk
