from
John Williams
Frosty responses from HIV negative and
positive men at the mention of a condom
make John Williams think it is time to talk
tough about prevention
I am single and have been HIV positive for 14 years. By gay
standards I probably don’t have the ‘X factor’ but I’m
no novice. I have seen the gay scene change from a kind of trendy/edgy fringe
in the 80s to the mega-poof 90s revolution.
The scene today is very different. The rise of the pink pound means gay lifestyle
choices are well catered for. But the real difference is the explosion in
internet chat/sex sites and saunas. This new freedom to cruise is not without
risk and our sexual revolution comes at a price; we didn’t burn bras,
but we’ve seen thousands of our own cremated.
When I tired of clubbing and bar hopping I found a cyber existence was just
a log-on away. The internet is full of everything a guy like me would want:
hot men in all colors and sizes, all with one thing on their mind - sex and
lots of it. But this doesn’t guarantee a warm welcome if you are poz,
and if, like me, you use condoms for fucking, you may find intolerance in
the unlikeliest quarters.
I have, on occasion, barebacked with poz men; unsheathed sex feels great.
But when I realised the threat hep C and other STIs posed to my health it
wasn’t hard for me to decide to use condoms all the time; I was already
doing this with negative guys anyway. I have in the past, and am sure that
I will in future, sleep with men who are living with hep C or other infections,
so I feel that the latex barrier has served me well. However, this choice
puts me at odds with some HIV positive men I meet online. Being cast aside
by sexually uneducated negative men on the basis of my status has become the
norm, but I feel insulted when other HIV positive men do the same because
I rubber up. As you can see, it can get pretty chilly here on the central
reservation.
Earlier this year, PN reported that two out of five HIV positive men living
in urban areas were undiagnosed, while gay youth website Puffta predicted
that more than twice as many teens would contract HIV this year compared to
last. By June 2006, there were 36,920 gay and bisexual men living with HIV
in the UK. New diagnoses have been peaking at 2,200 for the last few years
and gay men still remain most at risk from contracting the HIV virus. Surely
we should be shocked at these figures.
I can’t help wondering whether the allure of barebacking and high-risk
sex is fuelling these figures. It is thought the majority of new HIV infections
come from people unaware of their status. But is this a convenient way to
move the spotlight away from the problems we face?
HIV positive men who bareback will often tell you they only do so with other
poz men, and to be fair, the majority do. But recently I met an HIV positive
guy on the net who shocked me when he said he had fucked a guy without protection,
came inside him, disclosed afterwards and then advised him how to get post-exposure
prophylaxis. An ex fuck-buddy recently went to a sauna, fucked a guy bareback,
asked his status as an afterthought and got the wrong answer. Now he is on
PEP. Given the rise in prosecutions for reckless transmission, these kind
of stories are bound to become more commonplace.
People can shout as loudly as they like that they only bareback with other
HIV positive guys but the figures, and my experience, tell another story.
I feel as a community we need to ditch the ‘barebacking’ debate
and speak with one voice on prevention to tackle these alarming figures. Because
of the choice of a minority, on cruising sites HIV positive men are sometimes
seen as the enemy within.
The real enemy is stigmatisation of people living with HIV, ignorance about
HIV among negative gay men and a lack of frank advice dealing with the problems
of a negative and a positive community co-existing. Many men in sero-discordant
relationships manage very well, so why has their example been lost on the
wider community? It is time to drop the softly-softly approach and get tough.
UK HIV prevention is clearly in crisis. The government has failed because
it relies on primary care trusts to allocate our money with little feedback
on its effectiveness. This money needs to be ring-fenced again and used to
target communities most at risk.
Today, there is a new generation of young gay men playing HIV Russian roulette
who clearly missed whatever sex education was on offer at school. I was chatting
to this guy online recently. He mentioned he was into cum and after a brief
chat I quickly realised he meant barebacking. I explained I don’t because
I am HIV positive. The conversation ended rather abruptly after that. I am
the risk it seems. But this guy is exactly the kind of man that may become
positive.
This is a big problem, because gay men remain terrified of taking HIV tests
and as we know, HIV has a lengthy incubation period and you really are only
as good as your last negative result. That said, if you are wearing a rubber
for anal sex, you are eliminating the one route of infection that has been
proven as the main cause of HIV.
I am still stuck on the central reservation. It’s ok as it goes; I have
met some great positive and negative men here, and I’m no Mary Poppins
in case you were wondering. I am a very confident sexually and know my limits
and respect others. I want HIV positive men to be part of the solution, not
seen as the problem.
I saw a profile on Gaydar last night. The guy was 21. In the section about
himself he had written “Fun-loving guy, found out I had HIV at the beginning
of August. Just looking for a way to tell everyone at home.” Very sad
don’t you think?
