Positive and petrified
I am a black, gay, HIV positive and petrified. I am petrified of
dying alone and unloved; afraid of living, wondering if there’s life
after HIV and whether I will ever have a relationship where my status is not
an issue?
My greatest fear is the lack of confidentiality within the black gay community,
which includes positive and non positive people. When I attend my clinic I
am filled with anxiety that I will see someone I know who may then gossip
with others. Our community seems obsessed with knowing who is “sick”
or “damaged”, adding to our stigma and isolation.
I am now reluctant to attend any support groups or confide in gay friends
about my situation. This has affected my emotional and mental well-being.
I suspect there are many others like me who feel the same. I am also petrified
of meeting someone and disclosing my status to them and the possibility of
rejection and what they might do with that information.
I ask my black brothers to think twice before taking part in such a breach
of confidentiality and rejecting or condemning people for their HIV status.
We are quick to discuss our sexual conquests, or who is a top or bottom, in
the company of other black gay men but we avoid issues like HIV and the possible
impact it could have on our lives, our friendships and relationships. Hence,
we are still in a state of denial.
We need to open our minds to the fact we may already be interacting with people
who are diagnosed but who have also chosen not to disclose. You may even have
slept with someone without either party knowing their status. The main thing
should not be status but safe sex practice regardless of status.
For people with HIV to feel able to confide in black gay friends, lovers and
partners we need to start talking openly amongst ourselves. And these conversations
need to be carried out in a more positive manner where confidentiality is
really respected.
The fact we avoid these types of conversations only further supports a negative
view that HIV is unlike any other illness we are all susceptible to, regardless
of how safe we try to be. It also reinforces the idea only certain types of
people get this illness and feeds into the negative stereotype of black gay
men in the general black community.
Mr Petrified
Gloss and gazpacho
I have just read a Speak Up article on the PN website (PN 75) this
morning that criticises the magazine for being too glossy. It also argues
the magazine and its owners, the UKC, are not representative of people living
with HIV. I found the writers comments a little short of sense.
There are masses of newly infected people turning to publications rather than
services as most services seem limited by funding. At least with PN the facts
are there, glossy, upfront and factual. I realise the big drug company ads
may shock some people into combination catatonia but at least the information
is there in its entirety.
I have been a regular reader of PN for years and my only real complaint is
about a recipe for gazpacho in the June 2001 issue (uurgh - cold soup).
We all have our opinions but I can’t help feeling this Speak Up was
just a case of sour grapes. I quote: “I worked at London Lighthouse
and, believe me, the extravagance and wastage was astounding. The result?
Most of its service users are still on the dole.”
It seems this person used to work in HIV and is more interested in where the
money goes rather than what is done with it. Perhaps the complainant should
contact the Department of Work and Pensions or a local college. Last time
I checked they offered training, while the Open University does lots of courses
from home. And these are free if you are on benefits and qualify. Loyally
yours
Daniel Clarke, Swansea
Nothing going on but the rent
I have had to give up work and I’m struggling to pay my mortgage
and it looks like all I will be getting for this New Year is a repossession
order.
So if anybody reading the letters page is rich or in property, how would you
like to buy my house and rent it back to me?
I would be looking for a long-term lease. I hope I'm not being too optimistic
about that. It also needs to be someone willing to accept housing benefit
as part or all of the rent.
Please contact the editor for my name and email address if you are interested
and details will be supplied on request.
Name and address supplied
More tips please
Though I was happy to read about the poz/neg couples in your last
issue (PN 129) I was really hoping for some practical tips on how to make
it work when one of you has HIV.
Living under the dark cloud of HIV was the main reason my last relationship
ended. I’m not sure safe sex was intended as a long-term solution.
Name and address supplied
Please send letters to: Positive Nation, 250 Kennington Lane, London SE11
5RD Email editor@positivenation.co.uk
Name and address must be included but can be witheld on request. Letters may
be edited. Views expressed are not necessarily those of PN or UKC.
