wheels on fire
Life coach Andy Hilton explains how the wheel
of life can help people living with HIV
Illustration Raffaele Teo
It
was probably a severe blow when you learnt you had HIV. For many, being HIV
positive dominates their life and the virus comes to determine how they live.
Of course you can’t ignore the fact you are HIV positive but you can
take control and develop the life you want. You may feel you are limited in
what you can do but most of these limitations are only as powerful as you
allow them to be.
So how can you start to make a difference to your feeling of well-being? The
Wheel of Life is a simple tool life coaches use to untie the jumble that makes
up our daily lives.
By splitting our lives into chunks and then thinking about each separately,
it clears the way to see which areas are holding us back. Once you identify
how different parts of your life contribute to your overall contentment, you
can begin to take control and make positive changes. Small changes can have
a great impact to general happiness and well-being.
Using the Wheel
Using the diagram over the page, label each segment with an area of your life.
The labels are up to you but may want to include money, work, partner, family,
health, hobbies, home, fun, fitness, music and social life. Choose categories
important to you.
For each decide how you currently feel and score them out of ten, where one
is “I absolutely hate this area of my life. There is nothing good in
it” and ten is “This area of my life is perfect – I could
not be happier”. Be careful not to let a general down feeling drag down
scores for areas you are actually content with.
With zero at the centre and ten at the wheel rim, mark your scores onto each
segment and join them up to form your personal wheel.
Don’t worry if you end up with a bumpy wheel; that is why you are doing
the exercise. We will now try to round it off a bit to give you a smoother,
more balanced ride through life.
Dare to dream
For each segment, think about what would make a perfect score for you. It
is important you think about what matters to you and not what others would
want you to have. Let your imagination run free and allow yourself to dream
of hitting a ten in that segment. Think through the details so you get a crystal
clear picture of how you would love that part of your life to be. Don’t
constrain yourself by thinking “that could never happen”. Dare
to dream and then it’s time to take action.
Your next move
Decide which area(s) you want to work on. This may be the area with the lowest
score, but not necessarily.
For that area decide on one small thing you could do to move your score to
the next level. Don’t think about jumping to 10; just moving up one
level. The action can be as big or as small as you like, but you must do something.
If for example you scored ‘family’ as three because you don’t
get on well and always argue, ten might be ‘Look forward to a visit
from any family member and having a fantastic Christmas party together at
my parents’ house’. The first step to achieve a four might be
to telephone a family member to share a piece of news. Keeping in mind why
you are making the call will help you to stay positive.
• Commit to that action. Remind yourself why you want to do it.
• Plan exactly what you are going to do, when and how you are going
to do it and whose help you might need.
• Do it.
Most people naturally want to push up all scores towards ten immediately.
This might be desirable long term but the idea for now is to identify small
steps to get the wheel rolling. Once you have taken a few steps and found
that you can take control of your life and the way you feel then you can make
some bolder steps.
You
don’t have to do the obvious
When Mary came to see me she said she felt overwhelmed and that her life was
out of control. When Mary filled in her wheel, like most people, she found
peaks and troughs. She had returned to study and was really enjoying the course;
that scored a nine. Her family relationships, however, were pretty poor and
scored a three. She had also given up going to the gym and was feeling pretty
unfit – another three. Other areas of her life scored in between the
extremes, but the general picture was unbalanced.
As we worked through her options she realised one way to improve the balance
was to remove the high score. She realised that although she was enjoying
her course she had allowed it to dominate and ruin other aspects of her life.
She decided to postpone her course till the following year and spend time
working on her health and fitness and having quality time with her family.
Mary has since gone back to college and is also enjoying a more balanced family
and social life.
Shifting focus
Completing the Wheel of Life helps you to stop focusing on your limitations
and what is wrong with your life. Instead your focus shifts onto what you
can do and what you want to do. Actively working on improving any part of
your life will give you a sense of achievement and help you develop a positive
mental attitude.
Many uses
You can use the wheel alone, go through it with a partner or even in a group.
In fact, many people find they stick to their decisions and commitments better
if they have shared them with someone else. It can also be good fun.
You can adapt the wheel to other situations and use it as part of your problem
solving tool-kit. For example, you could use it at work to help decide priorities
or to redesign your home by looking at the different aspects independently.
The circle continues
At the end of this article, decide when you are going to do the exercise and
complete your Wheel of Life. Clear a space in your schedule and commit to
spending an hour just thinking about yourself and your future. You are worth
it.
This is just the start. It is beneficial to return to your wheel regularly,
especially if you are feeling unbalanced. Maybe plan to revisit it every three
months – whatever seems right.
Next month I will look at the importance of goal setting and techniques for
achieving them. Sometimes it’s hard living with HIV but it is possible
to improve it by working on the things that you can control.
Andy Hilton is a professional life coach who specialises in working with people
affected by HIV. He helps people clarify where they are today and to get to
where they want to be tomorrow.
Andy can be contacted at Andy@HIVcoach.co.uk or 01931 716735.
