Russell Fleet Alive and kicking
At the time of writing this, I’m in the first break in the run of the show I’m doing with the big amateur group. Opening night went well, and I got lots of very positive feedback, so the old ego’s had a good massage. The show is a bit like a Carry On film and my part would be the Kenneth Williams or Charles Hawtrey role - the skinny authority figure who gets humiliated at every turn with lots of outraged facial expressions and hysterical running around. I’ve also just auditioned for another show and got cast as a waspish old queen with a good line in vulgar put-downs. Now, anyone who knows me, or who has read this column for that matter, will probably think that neither role will be much of a stretch and to be honest I’d have to agree. But the question I find myself asking is: do I mind being typecast in this way? And it also got me thinking about the roles I take on in the rest of my life.
In the first instance I’m not really complaining about the acting thing. It’s always nice to be asked and why bang my head against a wall going for parts that I obviously won’t get? But I do kind of wish I could get to do something outside the usual comfort zone. But then I remember that it’s not just about me, is it? It’s about making the play work as best it can and if casting me as the robustly heterosexual love interest won’t wash with the audience, why do it? So I have to let go of my ego, do what I do best and work toward the good of the whole production.
What’s interesting is that in many ways, this is what happens to me in other parts of my life. I often seem to find myself cast in the role of the confidante or counsellor. Maybe it’s because I’ve kind of made a life out of dealing with difficult stuff, and if that makes some people think that a bit of that coping skill might rub off on them, I suppose it’s not entirely unreasonable of them to ask. Now I don’t mind doing it as long as I’m asked and as long as people respect the boundaries I set them. It’s when those boundaries get ignored that I get annoyed. Sadly, this fits a pattern I’ve been through before; someone wanting me to do something for them, in return for which they’re supposed to do something for me, or at the very least not cause me any more inconvenience than is absolutely necessary. But when it comes to it they don’t keep their end of the bargain, or don’t acknowledge what’s been done, or in some cases even try to make me the bad guy when I complain about it. But of course there are two sides to every tale and I’m sure their take on it is very different to mine, so I try to keep my faith in human nature intact, even though it’s sorely tested at times.
So I suppose what I should be asking myself is: am I setting myself up for this, and if so, how do I stop? Would that mean being harder hearted or more selfish? Or am I doing it to atone for past errors of judgement. After all, I can think of times when I’ve treated someone shabbily and I’m not proud of them, so maybe I’m asking for payback. Then again, what’s done is done, it can’t be changed and the best you can hope for is not to do it again.
So here we are again, me back at PN rambling on about my life and insecurities. The cynic in me might think they only wanted me back for the cheap laughs, but even if that’s the case – and I don’t for one moment think it is - it’s a bit like the acting thing; do what you do best and work toward the greater good without letting the ego get in the way. Let’s not forget that just three months have passed since PN wrote its own obituary and it’s already risen from the ashes, thanks to the determination of a few people who refused to give in and let something so important bite the dust. And they’ve asked me to be part of that rebirth, so whatever their motives, I can honestly say I’m truly honoured to be asked. +
© Russell Fleet is Project Manager for Medical Foundation for AIDS & Sexual Health (MedFASH)
