Receiving an HIV positive diagnosis can be a traumatic and life changing experience bringing with it a catalogue of issues and challenges. However with a positive attitude and a bit of help there’s enough to be optimistic about ... Thandi Haruperi offers some tips to keeping your spirits high....
1 Accept your diagnosis – if not to anyone else at least to yourself. Coming to terms with your diagnosis is critical to taking the necessary steps to moving on positively. Whilst knowing your diagnosis may have socio- psychological disadvantages such as dealing with stigma, worries about disclosure, insurance, employment, travel and fears for health, social isolation, sexual rejection (some unfounded) all which can lead to poor mental heath; medical advantages show that they’re fewer AIDS deaths related directly to early testing. In the UK, drugs can keep the virus under control and socially, people who know of their positive status are less likely to transmit.
2 Be positive and kind to yourself – honor the person that you are. Love and respect yourself and you will teach others to do the same. Society puts so many negative labels on HIV and those who catch it. It’s easy to blame ourselves and develop, shame, guilt and self-hate. Living with HIV is hard enough, so there’s no need to make our lives any harder. Developing a positive attitude and sense of self-worth can go a long way to maintaining good health. Learning to love and like yourself again and enjoy life is important.
3 Leverage – Find your bargaining chip - with an HIV diagnosis comes loss—whether implicit or explicit, this loss can create a nasty vacuum or disadvantage. Create a favourable position for yourself by replacing that loss with something affirmative and meaningful to you and your controlled environment. This could be something as simple as reminding yourself that you are still a human being and therefore deserve as much as the next person – and behaving as such; take stock of your attributes, skills, interests etc. and put them to use. Do a self audit and redefine yourself, making changes and improvements where necessary. What do you have to build on –what can you change, learn, improve? Your identity should not only be defined by your HIV status but rather a combination of your many other qualities. This will not only increase your confidence, it will increase your bargaining power in any relationship or negotiation.
4 Be informed - understand the virus and make informed choices – you don’t have to be an expert but you will find disclosure much easier if you are able to speak from a position of knowing. Some people are more scared of catching it from you than they are prejudiced and will often shift their positions once they learn that they have nothing to fear by being around you.
5 Mind body and soul balance - Because HIV-positive people are susceptible to opportunistic infections, visiting your doctor to monitor your health is important to keep track of the virus and your body’s immune function. It’s especially important to keep the immune system as strong as possible; a proper diet, and other health-supporting practices such as exercise which makes the brain release so-called natural ‘feel good’ chemicals – endorphins. Even walking to the local shop can lift a negative mood as well as will make you feel instantly better, you’ll become fitter and more confident about your body too. Don’t forget to nurture your mind and brain with good food too, be it book, conversation, thoughts or relationships.
6 Stress is a killer - Constant stress compromises your immune system. If you are anxious, depressed or can’t sleep, do something about it. Get some exercise, learn to meditate, see a counsellor or therapist, or try activities that relax you. If these do not have the desired effect, see your doctor. Your anxiety may have a physical cause.
7 Join a support group. Finding others in the same situation and sharing your experiences and thoughts can really help. It might be good to have a space to offload your feelings and also learn from the experiences of others. Allowing yourself this safe space for yourself can bring some great friendships and networks.
8 Treat yourself – Get a life and find something to look forward to, be it a soak in the bath to soothing background music, a night out. A trip away or a holiday, will lift your depressed mood. And giving yourself a treat you know you deserve will make you happier and more optimistic. So why not have that massage, pair of Jimmy Choos or that week in the Spanish sun this winter?
9 Be loving – and you will attract love; living with HIV can sometimes make us become withdrawn. You may want to keep to yourself making yourself blind to the barriers you are inadvertently forming around you. However, sometimes its not our HIV but our attitude and behaviour that isolates us from us. Being nice to others will most often make us attractive to others, be they colleagues, friends, lovers or family.
10 Be choosy and develop meaningful relationships – whether it’s with your doctor, friends or loved ones, having relationships where you can speak honestly and freely is important to maintaining positive health. Humans are social animals and we need each other for health as well as happiness.
11 Define your minimums – in relationships and services and other areas – having HIV does not mean you lose your standards – be clear about what you want and deserve. Allowing for compromises, having your minimums will ensure that you stay on and above your base-line and therefore live the life you want.
12 Aspire – before your diagnosis you had hopes, dreams and aspirations so why settle for less now? Once the reality of your diagnosis has settled you will probably find yourself still wanting the same things and maybe even more. Indulge your urge and go for it; see what you can do and become by giving life another go. Stand up, go out and apply yourself. Finding success after any adversity is even sweeter than it would have been without a ‘story’. You will feel so much better about yourself and life.
13 Do something useful with your life – you wouldn’t like someone who did nothing with their life but sleep and feel sorry for themselves all day - whether it’s a hobby, volunteering or learning a new skill you will be amazed at how time flies when you keep yourself busy, you will you be even more amazed at how people become attracted to you because of who you are and what you do.
14 Harm reduction is not just about wearing condoms and using clean needles. Excessive late nights, drinking, and smoking can be equally harmful to our body and stop it from functioning optimally and fighting infections. This applies to ‘friends’ who control, blackmail or drag us down. Identify negative habits or people that are counter productive and expel them from your life ...as for the ‘friends’ you may want to come back for them later, when you are stronger (and that’s if they are worth it!).
15 Look good, smell sweet and be ready to flirt when the ‘right’ one comes along – Developing pride in how you look and giving time to your appearance will not only cheer you up but also make you more attractive to others. you don’t have to go all the way but who says you can’t go all the way if the situation calls for the occasion. And if you do, be prepared to either talk about it /or at
least use your love glove. After all getting into the relationship game starts with a bit of a flirt and a whiff a tantalising perfume. +
Thandi Haruperi is the Founder of RestorEgo Consultancy, a Training and Development Consultancy working principally in the areas of Health Promotion, Diversity & Change Management. Our close-knit and diverse team of professionals is passionate about contributing to the well-being and growth of all. We believe that people who approach change positively are happier, healthier, & more productive making valuable assets to their families, communities and society as a whole. www.RestorEgo.com
