this year's model
scheduling doctors' appointments on the quiet, and
taking medication that caused severe side effects.
AZT was the first drug Rebekka was given. "A pretty little blue and
white capsule," she remembers. Taken in massive doses, seven times
a day, it caused not only nausea but peripheral neuropathy in Rebekka's
arm. After AZT came ddI. "I'd mix it up and tell people it
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was a protein shake, and even let them try some if they asked!"
she laughs. The foul taste usually put them off.
Rebekka was also self-medicating with drugs. "I went to parties where
the drugs would be laid out in a big bowl for you to help yourself".
Some support and friendship came from Rebekka's gay friends. However it
hardly offered an escape from Aids, which was having a devastating effect
on the Californian gay community in the early 90s.
By 1994 the secrecy, the partying, the lack of close support all took
their toll. After five years of secretly living with HIV, the now jobless,
homeless and severely depressed Rebekka decided to kill herself. After
taking a cocktail of prescription medicine such as demerol (a painkiller
Carter from ER became addicted to) and alcohol she got into a friend's
car and drove into a wall. "I was determined to do it."
She didn't, the car skidded and she found herself in the emergency room
