TO TELL OR NOT..... TO TELL
Sure, there were guys that would have no time for baggage and want to move on to a more attractive prospect. I was prepared for that kind of
bigot. But for someone to say they cared too much to stay with me?
A boundary had been crossed the night I told him, and though we both knew
it to be so, we both tried to find a way forward. I gave him space and
waited for an answer. I knew the magic had gone but I still wanted to
believe it could be recast. It took me long enough to accept it. I had
to give him time.
He is one of the good guys and, after consideration, he accepted the news
and tried to put it aside. But once the news was digested, we both saw
quite plainly that the magic had already left.
The truth is that by telling someone that you are HIV positive, you cross
a boundary from fiction to fact. Dreams become realities and life becomes
hard work. By disclosing my HIV status, I put a pressure onto our new
romance.
The pressure is commitment. For someone to accept the news and choose
to carry on, whether consciously or subconsciously, they are proposing
a commitment.
I don't regret my choice as I feel it would only have become harder to
tell as time went by. I worry that my freedom to enjoy true romance will
always be hindered by the grim realities that life has thrown at us. I
can only pray that I am wrong.
page 6 of 6
contents
of issue 75
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