and didn't.
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It was a night accompanied by heralding angels, the Hallelujah chorus
- and Carole King singing "Will you still love me tomorrow?"
He left the next morning after breakfast, a bubble bath and a blow job.
I swooned around the flat with heart fluttering and a ridiculous grin.
I spent 48 hours in a fantasy land walking hand in hand along the sunset
beach, counting the stars studding the night, and kissing at dawn.
And then... ...and then nothing!
There is obviously a set of rules to this dating/relationship thing that
I am completely unaware of. Was there a GCSE that I missed out on? Was
I out of school the day they handed out the manual?
Ultimately, I decided, I was disappointed but not heartbroken. The months
of chosen celibacy have left me in a place where although I'd very much
like a relationship, I don't need one. I don't need someone to complete
me. I can't make anyone love or want me and it's pointless trying to make
my truth theirs.
I have learnt that how someone reacts to me is less about me than about
them. I am a gorgeous, wonderful, sexy chick, and a bit of a princess
on the side too. I can cook and sew and make flowers grow. Their loss
if they don't want the best catch in the world's seas.
I've also learnt not to go more than halfway. If a lover won't meet me
there then they want too much of me.
So here I am, still single though not so celibate. There are advantages
to a single life. The ability to be impulsive every day. Not having to
cross-reference diaries when meeting friends. Deciding what you want for
tea without having to consider another's fads or allergies. Never having
to spend half the night fighting for three square inches
of goose down while enduring earth-shaking snores. NEVER slipping into a
