How to maintain control from the afterlife...
Death Becomes Her
Funerals, of course, play a vital role in the grieving
process. I recently stayed in South Africa. The man I was staying with
had fought in a number of particularly gory and personally harrowing African
wars. He had suffered hugely at the hands of captors and torturers and
was no stranger to death and suffering. While we stayed in his house,
the call came late at night to tell him that his mother had died quite
suddenly
.His reaction was immediate and alarming. Confusion, reflection, sorrow,
panic, anger - above all, an absolute terror of not knowing what was the
best, most
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acceptable or proper thing to do.
But from the moment he had signed the death certificate at the hospital,
notified the lawyers and contacted a funeral home, wheels were set in
motion that within the day had given structure and purpose as well as
plenty to do. That's one thing funerals do. They honour the dead, of course,
but more importantly they relieve and support the living.
So perhaps one of the most generous bequests that anyone can give to those
close to them is to relieve them of the burden of knowing what to do for
your funeral. Help them help you go out as you mean to be remembered.
Rather than a trite eulogy from a cleric who you may never have met, in
an impersonal venue you may never have known, organise a ceremony that
really helps people mourn, grieve, celebrate and move on.
From grief to celebration: the riotous street jazz funeral scene in Live and Let Die is unforgettable...and there are those who camp it up
So where do we start?
