regulars - issue 78

speak up

Positive Nation

SPARKY

'tears of a clown' sparky

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How do you react to discovering you have HIV? Some put on a red ribbon. 'Sparky' - now an actor living on the south coast - put on his red nose

How far can you go to avoid the realities of living with HIV? People had always said I lived in a fantasy world, but running away to join the circus

was a good one, even for me...
I had recently graduated from university, but had unfortunately gained more than just a degree. It was two years since my diagnosis, but the prospect of returning home to face my parents was a can of worms that was just not ready to be opened. I needed an escape plan.
The advert was simple. "Young people wanted to train as clowns. Family Circus. Accommodation provided." As a child, I'd loved the Enid Blyton circus novels. I could be a clown; my best friend said I was the funniest person she knew. One phone call later, a note for mum and dad on my pillow, and I was off.
Within seconds of arriving at a windswept field in Reading, I had a horrible feeling that Enid Blyton had never been to a circus in her life. The accommodation was a wooden bunk in the back of a lorry, shared with two other clowns and four rather grimy tattooed labourers. The kitchen was a single gas ring. No oven. No fridge. No running water. I had to pee in a bucket.

The circus owners were a wild-looking giant of a man and his small, eccentric French wife. Together with their son and daughter, they were the

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