thing I felt I could do with proficiency was dance shirtless at
my favourite club.
Money started to run out and I had to ask my boyfriend
to cover my bills, which I hated more than anything. I'd always considered
that I was the one that might end up supporting him, not the other way
around. Childhood warnings never to borrow or lend money were also ringing
in my ears.
The best thing about sinking into depression is that sooner or later you
hit rock bottom and when you do, you can start to climb out. As a favour
to a friend, I did some volunteer work. I'd always thought volunteering
would be menial stuff like stuffing envelopes, but I was pleased to find
out it could be anything I wanted it to be, including things that I could
put on my CV later. I could use my skills to contribute something of real
value, which I was proud of.
I wanted to work, and I wanted to look forward to the weekend. Finally,
after seven months out of work, a friend asked me to do some paid temporary
work, which got me back into the swing of things. It has put me right
back in the arena I used to work in but in a different role. With my confidence
returned, I'm feeling much more positive and I'm now considering starting
my own business. It seems like an obvious choice for someone like me,
but it is an option that would not have occurred to me seven months ago.
The other up side of all this was discovering myself. I discovered who
I really was without reference to my job and how I really felt about me.
I felt like I had turned myself inside out, walked around with my raw
emotions on display and had feedback from the world on the real me.
I still hate it when I have to leave my favourite club on Sunday night
and I still groan when I have to get up on Monday morning, but work can
be its own reward. For me work is about far more than money; it is about
doing something useful and constructive with my time, and now I can look
forward to Friday.
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