In a previous
article I wrote about my mother’s impending death from cancer.
She, for the first time in our relationship, has been discussing
spiritual beliefs with me. She has never been religious, but, like
many people nearing the end of their life, feels a need to explore
exactly what her beliefs are. Flippantly, I think of this need as
‘Death Insurance’.
I too felt it when I appeared to be fast approaching my own (pre-combo)
death. I always knew I was a spiritual person but have never followed
any one doctrine.
I sought the help of an amazing man who, like myself, had Aids.
He had been a Catholic priest (calling himself a ‘recovering
Catholic’) and at the time of our discussions was a counsellor
at the London Lighthouse. It was an invaluable experience and clarified
many random thoughts I had been having on the subject.
He pointed out that my beliefs were very similar to those of Tibetan
Buddhism. I believe in reincarnation. I believe that we keep coming
back until ‘we get it right’, and the better we live
each life the easier it becomes in the next. He suggested I read
the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying. I was amazed on reading it
just how similar it was to what I believed instinctively.
I believe that feeding our souls is as natural as breathing and,
just as we have the choice of deciding what we like to eat, we have
the choice to practice our spiritual beliefs in whatever way is
most likely to reach inner peace. It’s everyone’s right
to be at peace with ourselves at the time of dying.
I believe we are alone, but that’s very different from ‘being
lonely’. One of the main teachings of Buddhism is to let go
of anger and hate - these are forms of attachment. To let go of
attachment lets me love people for who they are, not who I wish
they were.
The first time I became aware of this was when I was diagnosed.
My daughter was three years old at the time, and I was told that
I would have a maximum of five years to live. I would not be here
to see |
