vital to communicate with my kids’ mothers,” we say. “I must provide support.” Yet we are actually trying to manage to have our old cake alongside the new. This makes the women tense and stressed most of the time.
Why do we do this? Why do we lie about seeking company, security and support from many, instead of one? I strongly feel that men should be upfront and inform their First Lady if there are other women in his life.
It is in our African culture that if you can manage to have more than one woman, why not be frank and seek consent from the madam for a ‘helper’ or second wife in the family.

But is this worth it? Especially if you have HIV? My honest answer is no. Polygamy is very demanding - and stressful! Most of the time you have to be careful how you answer questions. You don’t easily call your wife by her name but address her as ‘’dear, darling, sweetheart”, for fear of mentioning another name.
Now with HIV, you already have problems. Why should you add on more stress?
OK, marriage has its disadvantages - you can’t make unilateral decisions; you have extra responsibilities and sometimes undue pressure from your partner. As for children, it is always good to have an agreement about the child’s welfare before producing a child ‘by accident’.
But think of the benefits. You have somebody you can count on 24 hours, you are respected in the community, you are able to have ‘hot meals’, and house chores are shared. Your partner can

ably represent you in serious matters, and in the event of hospital admission looks after you ‘big time’ even surpassing your own mother. And kids? If you do have the energy, time and resources, they will help ‘fill up the house’...