Nicola Gray became the first openly HIV person to receive the UKC Hero Award at the glitzy ceremony last month. She told her story to Martin Flynn
I am HIV positive and I’m proud of it,” said 39-year-old Nicola Gray at she accepted the UKC Hero Award.
“I was diagnosed back in 1989,” she explains: “I was temping on a holiday visa in Sydney and wanted to stay in Australia so had to go for an immigration medical and that’s how I learnt I had HIV.
“I realised I’d caught it years earlier when I was working as a holiday rep in Spain. It was sun, sand, sex and sex in those days.
“I was one of the people who set up the first HIV women’s support group at Sahir House in Liverpool and it has flourished ever since. I also run awareness workshops all over Merseyside.
“In 1994 I met my partner of six years, Carl, and we practised safe sex but a condom broke and I got pregnant.
“My daughter Ellen was born in May 1995. But tragically she had HIV and died in 1997. She taught me so much and opened up my heart to love.
“Going through the whole dying process with her helped me face my own fears of death. It was a gift for me to help me face the future.
“I came down with very bad TB in February 2000. I’d kept it all together through Ellen’s birth and death and later supported everyone else. After Carl and I broke up I didn’t look after myself and, lo and behold, I ended up in hospital for six months.”
Why did you come out as positive on TV and in the press?
“I’ve met lots of newly-diagnosed people and they all talk about fear and stigma. I realised I had to do something about it. So I told all my family and friends and found everyone to be supportive. Then I started doing stuff for the local press and I went public on Granada TV. Then the BBC did a TV documentary on me and two other women living with HIV.
“It was a little scary at the beginning being so open but I’ve always had good feedback from people who come up to me after seeing me on the telly or in the papers.
“I learned to be proud about being positive from gay men. I think society gives gay men such a hard time and it’s such a battle for them to come out and say ‘I’m gay and I’m proud’. I realised I had to take onboard that same philosophy and say ‘I’m positive and I’m proud’.”
What message would you send to Positive Nation readers?
“Be positive and be proud. Take a risk and fight against fear. I used to wake up with fear and go to bed with it but it’s just fear of the unknown. So I’ve tried to find out everything I could about HIV. Face the fear is my motto. It’s not easy but it’s the only way. Because the other way is a downward spiral - you get stuck in it, it gets you down, then you get ill.”
What does winning the Hero Award mean to you?
“Winning the award. It means recognition. It’s a wonderful acknowledgement and makes me realise how much people appreciate the work we do. For all the negativity and all the shit I’ve been through it’s nice to see the scales getting balanced out. I see the award as being for all the other HIV positive people and recognition for their struggles as well. Instead of bad news, sickness, illness and negativity, it was a time to feel good about ourselves.”
