Allan Morris bemoans the lack of UK chatrooms for positive heterosexuals
If you're white, heterosexual, single, live in the UK and are HIV positive, you could be forgiven for coming to the conclusion that your chances of finding a lasting relationship are slimmer than Ally McBeal on amphetamines.
Either that, or pack your bags now and head off to the US. Oh no, you can't do that, can you?
Why the US? Well, try typing the phrase: 'HIV positive looking for love' into an internet search engine. Virtually all the results will point you towards America. Positive Connections, Positive Personals, Living Positive, LoveIsPositive, HIVdate, to name but a few, and none of them based in Europe or the UK. I would warmly welcome the chance to chat to some like-minded people (especially women), but there is just so little opportunity out there. And when I do find a UK chatroom, I'm invariably the only occupant.
What about other options? Well, this magazine has a very good small ads section and I can personally testify that it works very well. At least one couple who met through an ad in PN are now happily married. However I'm not convinced how invariably successful they are for finding a true mate. My theory has always been that true love (if it exists) is something that happens spontaneously. Still, the main advantage of them is of course that you know where you stand right from the get-go; no pissing about.
Another route (well, minefield would be a better word) is to proceed as 'normal' and hope for the best. I'm talking of course about going out as you always used to and just meeting someone. I've tried this too and you always get faced with the instant dilemma: do I tell the person my status during the first few dates and risk them disappearing faster than Tony Blair's popularity rating? Or do I wait until the relationship is going well and subject myself to the possibility of being called a liar and a cheat, and of time-wasting?
Conventional dating agencies are not considered by many pozitoids to be an option. However, Dateline's Pauline Lancaster had this to say on the subject: "I fully understand the reasoning behind being upfront with your status, as many of our handicapped/disabled people find it extremely difficult meeting people with the right attitude. I very often enter into lengthy conversations before people become members, talking through the issues they may encounter. It can be very difficult to deal with when you lack confidence."
Gay people can access a huge variety of websites, chatrooms, magazine ads and suchlike to choose from. HIV positive gay men have historically also had access to many organized groups, where they could meet others in the same boat, although I concede that these seem to be fading away due to lack of funding.
There are very few of these groups around if you're heterosexual. In London check out our new StraightForward meeting next month (see details on ad p 45). You could also try the Sesame Group at THT-Lighthouse West or Body & Soul.
