In the last few years, life as a gay man has taken on a new slant.
Whether we are A-List champagne partygoers, floppy-haired G-A-Y boys, non-scene workaholics or leather bar habitués, more and more of us are found touting our wares on the Internet.
Takings
in bars in London are down, and I'm not surprised. No rolling around in expensive
clubs, pretending you are enjoying the beer and the music, when all you really
want is to get your rocks off. The Internet is a treasure trove of takeaway talent,
with hundreds of guys online at any one time.
Yes! Cyber cruising is the new thing. Gone are the days when feeling horny meant braving the elements on Hampstead Heath. Simply switch on the 'puter, upload those downlit pics, airbrush as necessary, then sit back and wait for the messages.
First of all you have to acquaint yourself with the lingo. Trying to strike up a romantic conversation with an online gentleman can be difficult for the first time cybercruiser...
>Hi, my name's Sam. I just wanted to say, your pictures look great.
>LO m8
>Ummm, sorry?
>LO m8
>Oh! Hello mate. How are you?
>Wot u in2 / up2 / up4?
>Sorry, up 2 up 4? Are we playing snakes & ladders? Oh, I see... well, I'm new
to all this. What are you "in2"?
>R U T2'd m8?
>WHAT??
As fresh cybermeat on the scene, half of London wants to talk to you. Random requests from the gay public pop up before your eyes. Someone wants a cuddle in bed, someone wants a guy in white socks, and someone wants a fist in Farringdon. Who said romance was dead?
Of course, not everyone out there uses the net just for sex. Typing into the box can loosen your inhibitions. You may find yourself having deep and meaningful conversations with total strangers. I met some amazing friends from my time in gay chat rooms, particularly when I was recently diagnosed as HIV positive. Too fragile to leave the house, I took comfort in the support network to be found on the net.
But it's not all plain sailing. It's bad news when something previously described as 'butch' turns up on the doorstep in foundation, false eyelashes and bigger platforms than Euston station. This situation can bring out the worst in us, and has a number of possible outcomes.
One of the things I still cannot get used to is the idea of pre-arranged sex. Someone messaged me not long ago, and asked if I would be free for a 'party' three weeks on Saturday.
Must I choose to be horny at a certain time of the day, week or month? I had a mental picture of myself, sporting a pair of half-moon spectacles and peering into a diary..."Hmmm, I could be free four weeks on Sunday, but I would have to rearrange a coffee morning".
However, whatever you think about gay chat rooms, there is no denying that they are becoming a huge part of our culture. While you may feel intimidated by approaching some beefcake on the dance floor, clicking on a window to say hello should prove a fairly painless experience. You might even get the chance to impress him with your sledgehammer wit and your beautiful mind, even before he asks:
>Wot's ur stats m8?
>Now that is progress.
