Having read countless self-help books, attended many sessions of one-on-one counselling and having aimed to get myself on a new path of understanding before I turn thirty, it was time to try something new.
Yes folks, it's group therapy time...
If you are anything like me (Taurus and can't stick cabbage) you might well be shuddering at the thought of any kind of help group. I certainly had some pre-judged ideas of what a course might be like. Gaggles of fifty-year old perverts and trainspotters sitting on plastic chairs in draughty community halls, sporting an array of nasty knitwear!
Well, I am halfway through my "personal and spiritual growth group for gay men" sessions and, I have to say, I am pleasantly surprised. (Although I have spotted the odd nasty jumper.)
The sessions I'm attending form part of 'A Healing Journey' created by a great guy called Michael Overs, who was spurred on by a lack of community feeling and a growing sense of 'bitchiness' on the gay scene in Brighton. As well as personal and spiritual growth, the aim of the course is to provide you with a network of other gay men, who you can call on for friendship and understanding, not just during the course, but hopefully afterwards too. Of course, us London boys have an urge to say, "Oh I'm perfectly fine as I am thanks sweetie, I've got my close circle of mates, that's all I need". But as the weeks go on, I realise how many friendships in my life have only reached a certain level.
It's quite a daunting exercise to arrive on the first day and sit cross-legged with a group of twenty strangers, all spilling their hearts out. It takes a while before you realise that you will be accepted and listened to, whatever your feelings. As a gay guy, who for the last 11 years has often frequented 'the scene' in London, I am no stranger to the less than lukewarm welcome that you can often receive. On my arrival in the Big Smoke at the tender age of 18, many of my first nights out as a 'chicken' were spent chasing 'cock'. Years later I realise that I was rarely desiring sex, but all I needed was a hug and some companionship. Thankfully now I am able to separate the two feelings. These days when I feel in need of some nurturing, the last thing I desire to do is go trawling around Heaven, but will generally curl up with a good book.
So
what does all this have to do with 'A Healing Journey'? Well, the course provides
a forum with which to give and receive the nurturing that we as human beings crave,
but as gay men in the big city, we often try to conceal. Why have we become so
hard-faced? In the ghetto of hardcore clubs and muscle bodies, to show neediness
is a sign of weakness. Everyone is out trying to look like they are having the
time of their lives. Of course, some are (until the comedown) but what about those
of us who are secretly longing for a bit of tea and sympathy? I have often observed
how perverse human nature can be. The very people who are so obviously lonely
and who cry out for support are the ones we shun, and we are attracted like flies
round the proverbial sh*t to the ones who are self-sufficient and don't need us
for anything.
I have four more Tuesday evenings of 'A Healing Journey', then we all decamp to Glastonbury for three days of re-birthing, meditating and no doubt at least one game of Bingo. If like me you have a desire to do this sort of course, but you are put off by the thought that 'it might not be for cool people', then I urge you to give it a go. Hey, I'm cool, and I'm doing it! The best thing is that the course gives you a chance to realise you are not alone in sometimes needing a hug. It's so nice to give and receive that hug, without doing what we often do - disguising it as part of a sexual act.
For information on 'A Healing Journey', please visit www.ahealingjourney.co.uk
