'DEAR
T&A I TESTED POSITIVE FOR HIV RECENTLY'Send letters to:
Post: Tokunbo and Alfred, Positive Nation, UKC, 250 Kennington Lane, London
SE11 5RD
Email: editor@positivenation.co.uk, with 'Tokunbo and Alfred' in the subject
heading
Online: Log on to the UKC 'Positive Voices' discussion board at www.ukcoalition.org/discus/ and look for the 'Tokunbo and Alfred' thread
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Dear Tokunbo and Alfred, I tested positive for HIV recently, though I know I can only have been exposed to it many years ago. l have a son who is turning four years old in January 2004, who has not been tested. l am scared, really scared, that l won’t be able to cope if he has HIV. He is very fit and has never had any health problems except for eczema. How long would it take for symptoms to show if l gave it to him at birth? Are there medications suitable for his age? If so, what are the side effects for such a young child? Please help. Liz |
Dear Liz,
You really are having so much to deal with! It is hard enough for anyone coming to terms with their own diagnosis, let alone all your concerns for your son.
You are living with so much uncertainty that I can’t help thinking that knowing one way or the other might be helpful to you. At least then you would know what to do next for him.
There is a really high chance he will be HIV negative. Even without treatment, five out of six children born to HIV positive mothers, are not infected, and you’re right, in most cases you would know by now that he had HIV due to symptoms.
If he is positive and you don’t get him tested and you leave it too late, how will you feel? Treatments for children really have moved on. You will also be in a better position to get him the support that will keep him well.
I think it would be a really good idea for both you and your son to meet some other parents and their children - both positive and negative. Body and Soul 020 7383 7678, LEAN 020 8519 9545, and Positively Women 020 7713 0222 all run support groups and crèches for positive mums and their kids.
I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Every person may have their own issues but my experience is that being with young people is often inspirational and gives all of us hope and the wish to live full and active lives.
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time but what I say is: get support and get him tested!
Alfred
Dear Liz,
I’m curious. What prompted you to get a test now, given that you say you are sure you contracted it a while back? Was it to do with your health, something you learned, or a gut instinct? And are you quite sure you didn’t have your son in the back of your mind?
There are so many questions in your letter. There are also a number of issues I sense you have yet to address, based on your recent diagnosis.
Your son is clearly very important to you and I can understand your wish to find out his status. But you do state he seems healthy. So I have a little question in the back of my mind, and it’s this: whose needs would the test meet right now - yours or his? Is it about his health - or your anxiety?
I’d get some professional and emotional support (as you are doing by writing in!) before you proceed with an HIV test for your son. It’s important to talk through all possible consequences of your decision. If he is by any chance HIV positive - and it seems unlikely to me, but it is possible - you need to think about the impact on you, on your son when he is told, on his friendships, and on what you tell friends and other parents and professionals.
However, I would add that there has been so much progress as regards HIV treatments that should your son - or yourself - need medication, you’d get the best healthcare available and the likelihood of two healthy lives.
Wishing you peace,
Tokunbo
