Regulars: Column

Russell Fleet Alive and kicking

Sing if you’re proud to be Poz

Russell Fleet discusses visability and self value.

Here we are in the first stages of the annual Pride season, and I find my thoughts turning to the times I marched for the cause because it was the right thing to do, or marched for the fun of it in four inch heels looking like the bastard love child of Elaine Paige and Stevie Wonder, or just for the thrill of hearing a bunch of presumably straight builders in Piccadilly wolf-whistle at us – yes, I know they were being sarcastic!

The old debates about the function of Pride seem to have died down of late, probably because we gay men - and our lady lovin’ sisters-in-struggle of course - have basically got the changes to the law we wanted, so those battles no longer need to be fought in quite the same way. But of course, we’re not naïve enough to believe that a change in the law means a change in the attitudes, are we? I think you need the one before the other can even begin to happen because anti-gay laws send a signal that anti-gay attitudes are acceptable and sanctioned by the state. But to change attitudes we still need to remind people that ‘we’re here, we’re queer, and alright we are going shopping – only after the party, and probably for fabulous shoes.’ I was just on the point of concluding that the gay pride events today are more ‘Sex and the City’ than ‘Escape from New York’ and then it hit me - would a Positive Pride produce a positive change?

The old debates about the function of Pride seem to have died down of late, probably because we gay men - and our lady lovin’ sisters-in-struggle of course - have basically got the changes to the law we wanted.”

Pride is all about visibility, I think. Breaking down barriers by giving people a chance to see that we’re just like them – that is, if they like wearing rubber chaps, beehive wigs or dungarees. OK, maybe not like them then. But at least we can show them that we can have meaningful, fulfilling relationships that are just as worthy of respect as their own, can’t we? OK some of us can; just not me, apparently. But it’s the visibility thing that’s the stumbling block, isn’t it. Judging from the horrified reactions of many people with HIV to the idea that a doctor other than their HIV clinician might get wind of their status, it’s unlikely they’ll be charging down Oxford Street holding biohazard banners covered in painted tennis balls because they’ve dressed up as a strand of RNA. And do we really want to go around telling people we’re proud to have HIV? After all, contracting HIV is inevitably conflated with some personal failure to preserve your immunological integrity by doing things likely to get you the catflu, like excessive unprotected bottom surfing and sharing dirty needles - and I don’t mean for knitting scarves. It would appear that the default position is that we ought to be ashamed of ourselves and it’s nothing to be proud of.

However, it’s one thing to say that I’m proud of having HIV and quite another to say that I’m not ashamed of it. Yeah, I was silly - it’s called ‘having an accident because you’re overconfident or just plain ignorant’ - it was 1984, you know - and how many of us are guilty of that in some form or another? If some sort of event would help to change the perception that anyone with HIV who wasn’t infected by blood products, poor medical hygiene or in the womb should be ashamed of themselves, then I’d be all for it and would happily march round Trafalgar Square dressed in the colours of my combo. (It’s Reyataz and Truvada! I’d be a rhapsody in blue! And think of the accessories!) Also, we still have a few battles to fight. Ending the criminal prosecutions of people with HIV for one, and getting the Government to back down from this pointless exercise in punishing the most vulnerable of us by dragging them through a benefits review which seems designed to cost more money to undertake than it saves in wrongly awarded payments for another. So it’s back to the beginning again isn’t it? In the 70’s we weren’t supposed to be proud of being gay, and the more we hid the more we got ill treated. We have to start somewhere, even if it’s just with disclosing our status to some of the more supportive seeming people around us who don’t need to know for any particular reason other than we want to raise awareness about it. If GAY stands for Good As You, then maybe HIV+ should stand for Hey! I’m Valuable plus – er, also. Oh, you know what I’m getting at… now how do you attach tennis balls to rubber? PN